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The Captain
The Captain is a dangerous plague that terrorizes men all over the world. Not one man on earth can avoid this horrible disease, and as long as you are a male with sensitive emotions, you a susceptible to The Captain. It is an illness that is extremely difficult to escape because once you are infected with The Captain, it is essentially impossible to escape its wrath. Symptoms of The Captain consist of a variety of emotions and contradicting inclinations. The beginning stage of the disease starts off with a male who has previously been involved in an intimate or sensual relationship with a woman, but later had to cease the relationship. The male then thinks he is free of any feelings towards the female, and that he has no significant attachments to that person. The victim then goes on with his life, assuming that he is fine and strongly believes that he does not need that girl anymore, for any specific reason. He tells his friends and family that he does not need his former woman anymore and that he will never be associated with that person ever again. In some cases, the male has been known to bad mouth and say cruel things about the female. However, after a number of days, weeks, or months (the full effects of the illness differs for each individual), the male begins to feel lonely. He starts to realize that he cannot attract any other person and is unable to replace the former girl. In desperation, the victim then makes contact with his former significant other, whom he supposedly did not need and hated. This is when The Captain is in full effect and has infested the male body and brain. Despite the previous stance of not needing that woman anymore, swearing to never associate with them again, and no longer having any type of emotion towards that person, the victim plays the hypocrite and contradicts himself by constantly reaching out to the female and acting like he cares for her. He will play the role of a partner, and if the symptoms get worse, he may even start to buy things for the female or continuously invest time and money into her. The disease is evident when the victim states that he will not interact with the girl in front of his friends in order to “look cool” or satisfy his manly image, but when no one knows or is around, he is with the female and expresses intimacy, acting the complete opposite of what he said. The Captain has been around for generations, infecting innocent, helpless men around the world. Most victims are not even aware that they are infected with the illness until it is too late and are ultimately back in a relationship with the woman, or in more severe cases, married to them. Remedies for The Captain include finding another significant other, hanging out with the boys more often, or simply staying strong and not suppressing to the loneliness. Dandrew Cruda